Monday, May 28, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
good bye summer.
summer is about to end and this summer changed my life, me, not knowing it just did.
I know it would not be easy. The last summer you'll spend with your high school friends alone (according to a college guide book), the season everyone is busy taking their college applications.
Before it ends, i now realized how much I was left hanging. I feel so mixed and unsure. I feel so blessed despised of the rejections I faced.
Now, it's ending. The school year is entering, and I'm still unsure about the future I have. I can't decide on my own, but if I will, I would give up UP. I don't want to put my self in, where no one wants me to be.
The sun is continuing to fade, and the rain is starting to pour. And in this season, I was being left with colds I wanted to end. It sucks. But it was nothing than how life sucks for me as this moment.
I can't write exactly what's in my mind.
I'm in the state where my emotion is eating me..again.
I know it would not be easy. The last summer you'll spend with your high school friends alone (according to a college guide book), the season everyone is busy taking their college applications.
Before it ends, i now realized how much I was left hanging. I feel so mixed and unsure. I feel so blessed despised of the rejections I faced.
Now, it's ending. The school year is entering, and I'm still unsure about the future I have. I can't decide on my own, but if I will, I would give up UP. I don't want to put my self in, where no one wants me to be.
The sun is continuing to fade, and the rain is starting to pour. And in this season, I was being left with colds I wanted to end. It sucks. But it was nothing than how life sucks for me as this moment.
I can't write exactly what's in my mind.
I'm in the state where my emotion is eating me..again.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
<3<3<3
you see, i SO <3 Chelsea. she's the best of the five girls I watch in the search for the next doll. awts. she may dance not good enough that brought her up to dance with the pussycat dolls, but the judges said she's improving. I so <3 her vocals and that bangs, awts, she looked like a doll.
btw, today, the project runway season three would be off. oh, my. I wish Jeffrey would make it. i wish. i wish. i so <3 his fashion style and how he surprise me every time. He was like romantic-rock type of designer. I really wanted him design clothes for me.
and, ow. I'm also waiting for the America's next top model. I know the ending is near. And you see, I <3 Janice Dickinson. HAHA.yeah. she may be old and stuff, but her achievements were great. she's such an inspiration to me, for before, I thought, I could be a model, a novelist, a writer, a photographer and have a family at the same time. but guess what? She did.
I proved that, I can also do those stuffs. HAHA. i wish. I'm pretty sad that Avril's Girlfriend (the song) is dropping out of the count down. I so <3 that song. and add the guy in the video. HAHA.
probably, I would be getting the vid in YOU tube so, I can view it whenever.HEHE.
tah-tah!
(telax used that as a way of saying goodbye in our play.BUT, that was a friend's name)
PAPERdoll
btw, today, the project runway season three would be off. oh, my. I wish Jeffrey would make it. i wish. i wish. i so <3 his fashion style and how he surprise me every time. He was like romantic-rock type of designer. I really wanted him design clothes for me.
and, ow. I'm also waiting for the America's next top model. I know the ending is near. And you see, I <3 Janice Dickinson. HAHA.yeah. she may be old and stuff, but her achievements were great. she's such an inspiration to me, for before, I thought, I could be a model, a novelist, a writer, a photographer and have a family at the same time. but guess what? She did.
I proved that, I can also do those stuffs. HAHA. i wish. I'm pretty sad that Avril's Girlfriend (the song) is dropping out of the count down. I so <3 that song. and add the guy in the video. HAHA.
probably, I would be getting the vid in YOU tube so, I can view it whenever.HEHE.
tah-tah!
(telax used that as a way of saying goodbye in our play.BUT, that was a friend's name)
PAPERdoll
emo is the new pop -xai
oh yeah. i guess it was.
it pisses me when people shift to be EMO just because it was FAB.
I ain't emo.
but I wanted to scream
emo is ain't fashion statement. it's a state of mind.
don't try to be emo when you're not.
you'll just look stupid idiot.
you'll never become one, when you don't take it at heart.
watever.
it pisses me when people shift to be EMO just because it was FAB.
I ain't emo.
but I wanted to scream
emo is ain't fashion statement. it's a state of mind.
don't try to be emo when you're not.
you'll just look stupid idiot.
you'll never become one, when you don't take it at heart.
watever.
DON'T laugh. i'm serious.
yesterday, I went to video city to rent some CDs, and to tell you, I feel like, I've rent the worst one. It's my first time renting CD and didn't like it both. So silly.
The first one was really boring, because I like Julia Styles portraying the role Paige Morgan in the Prince and Me 2. How dull. the other one, was like, no sense, at all. Anyway, that's not my point.
when I rent CDs, the guy who looked like Enchong Dee asked me to renew my profile. He asked me my name, and address, and guess what? when he asked "San ka pumapasok?" I was stunned. Saan nga ba? If I'll say CSI, well, I'm lying. I'm over CSI, I'm college now. But if I'll say UP, well, I'm not sure about that! But either ways, I'll lie, so, I said.. UP!HAHA!
It was really funny. gs2 kong humalakhak ng todo, for that was like, assuming. HAHA. pag labas ko, I'm still not over it, I was smiling alone. I look stupid. HAHA. but what can I do? pigil na pigi
l ung tawa ko.HAHA.
okay. another funny thing. There was this friendster GIRL who told me, I looked like BEA of PBB. Huwaaat? you got to be kidding me!kc ung pic ko, my eye was the only thing seen. HAHA.
The first one was really boring, because I like Julia Styles portraying the role Paige Morgan in the Prince and Me 2. How dull. the other one, was like, no sense, at all. Anyway, that's not my point.
when I rent CDs, the guy who looked like Enchong Dee asked me to renew my profile. He asked me my name, and address, and guess what? when he asked "San ka pumapasok?" I was stunned. Saan nga ba? If I'll say CSI, well, I'm lying. I'm over CSI, I'm college now. But if I'll say UP, well, I'm not sure about that! But either ways, I'll lie, so, I said.. UP!HAHA!
It was really funny. gs2 kong humalakhak ng todo, for that was like, assuming. HAHA. pag labas ko, I'm still not over it, I was smiling alone. I look stupid. HAHA. but what can I do? pigil na pigi
l ung tawa ko.HAHA.okay. another funny thing. There was this friendster GIRL who told me, I looked like BEA of PBB. Huwaaat? you got to be kidding me!kc ung pic ko, my eye was the only thing seen. HAHA.
here's the pix-->
DON'T laugh at me. you look stupid.
you're alone. (well, i'm pretty sure about that!HEHE)
jumping to a more serious matter, I wanted to cry. Not because I'm depressed again (not now). It's just that, I feel like, this whole election thing won't work. Dayaan d2, dayaan dyn. There was this school been burn out. and so many violence. I wanted the country to change.
Feeling ko ang babaw ko. pero, I feel awful. I want change. Sna bumangon ang Pilipinas. How I wish. ='(
DON'T laugh at me. you look stupid.
you're alone. (well, i'm pretty sure about that!HEHE)
jumping to a more serious matter, I wanted to cry. Not because I'm depressed again (not now). It's just that, I feel like, this whole election thing won't work. Dayaan d2, dayaan dyn. There was this school been burn out. and so many violence. I wanted the country to change.
Feeling ko ang babaw ko. pero, I feel awful. I want change. Sna bumangon ang Pilipinas. How I wish. ='(
Monday, May 14, 2007
REJECTION.ouch!.
Six days ago I faced rejection the second time around. It made me sick. I lost my esteem. I feel like trash. No use. Stinky. No body wanted.
My sadness turned depression when I was informed a friend would leave, and I would be left hanging, without any compass on what would happen in the future. I thought of giving up. I thought of loosing the battle and just chose other options.
But, I realized there’s still a plan from me. A plan not to make hard of me. To prosper. I realized that Life must go on though you may fall.
At this moment, I have coped with all the negative vibes I had. I’m trying to erase a bit of it left inside me. I was turning into the positive side of my life. Thanks to my friends, family and to my God.
Waiting for the date stated was long and tiring, but I was molding my self. To be ready to face rejection... for the third time.
My sadness turned depression when I was informed a friend would leave, and I would be left hanging, without any compass on what would happen in the future. I thought of giving up. I thought of loosing the battle and just chose other options.
But, I realized there’s still a plan from me. A plan not to make hard of me. To prosper. I realized that Life must go on though you may fall.
At this moment, I have coped with all the negative vibes I had. I’m trying to erase a bit of it left inside me. I was turning into the positive side of my life. Thanks to my friends, family and to my God.
Waiting for the date stated was long and tiring, but I was molding my self. To be ready to face rejection... for the third time.
When we went up the rooftop in a centre I was delighted of what was in front of me. The beautiful sky. The green trees, the mountains, the sea. It’s just so perfect. The wind blows smoothly, the sun shines beautifully.In deed, God made a beautiful nature. It’s just waiting to be appreciated and treasured. Some people took it for granted, but these things are the one that sustains life.
When Milenyo strike, the electricity was cut off for about weeks, and that time where there was no light but the moon, I began to appreciate it. Before, I thought why the moon shines when it’s useless. But it wasn’t. It gives light to the darkness of the night.
The nature is beautiful. Life is.
We just don’t have time to realize it was.
~paperdoLL~
Friday, May 11, 2007
~a friend.
I <3 my friends equally, or should I say equal because in each different ways, for each different persons.I'm glad I have them. I have the poeple I could run to, who could help me, cheer me up, crack my nerve, make me smile and just be there.
a friend composed these songs for me. Thanks, Jem!Luv yah.
Friend
Intro: D, A, E, GI.
D A
The shiny sun appeared
E G
Listening to the sound in my ear
D
Like a flower
A
That grows higher
E G
Waiting for my friend to come over here…
Chorus:
D A
The bad things in our hearts
E G
Will pass into nothingness
D A
No more heat aches just
G E -D, A, E, G
Just feeling the happiness inside…
II.
D
I want you to be near
A
If only you could hear
E G
I’m missing you my friend…
Repeat Chorus
Bridge:
Am G
Every part of our journey…
Am G
Every time of our lives…
G E G
I want you to know that I’m here to care for you my friend….
Repeat Chorus 2x
Life sucks without friends. I hope, when I got to have new sets in college... I would never have akward moments with all of you. it was great. I HEART you guys.
Kasiyahan
Itnro: D, A, Bm, GI.
D
Kaibigan,
A Bm G
Naalala mo pa ba ating tawanan?
D
Nung minsan,
A Bm G
Nag usap tayo tungkol sa banda…
D
Ang ating isipan,
A Bm G
Ay puno, ng Kasiyahan
Chorus:
D A
Masaya pag kasama ka…
Bm G
Masaya pag kausap ka…
D A Bm G
Gumaganda ang araw sa t’wing tayo’y nagkakasiyahan…
II.
D
Ang umaga,
A Bm G
Napupuno ng kaligayahan
D
Salamat,
A Bm G
Kaibigan, nandirito ka saking tabi at ang sabi’y
Repeat Chorus
Bidge:
D
Namumutawing
A
Kaligayahan
Bm
Magdamagang
G
Nagkakatuwaan…
Repeat chorus 2xRepeat chorus slowly….
~
Gem would be leaving on tuesday, but I know, she'll always be the gem I knew. She won't change. Luv yah, gem. Gonna miss you! MWUASH.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
.......~it's my mood~*-+
"sometimes, we need to bleed
to know we're ALIVE."
to know we're ALIVE."
i got this quote from a friend, and i loved it. It reminded me that sometimes... in our life, we need to be hurt, stabbed, or even to bleed to know we're living. It's one way of letting us realize that life, not experience disappointment is not life at all. Besides, you'll not know what joy is when you didn't experience pain.
(my current quote that keeps me going.)
"God's will..."
My friend told me about that. Whatever happen to me, it's God's will, not mine. It's out of my hands and i know, it's for the better and not for the worst.
(the quote that makes me hold on.)
"True Friends won't let friends go to hell."
It's my burden since. I always thinks what will happen if one day, the world ended. I'm sure, I'm safe. But will I enjoy my gift with my friends? I tried. And I still wanted.
(this quote burdened me.)
"i can't be your paperdoll"
I'm not a paperdoll (oppise of my nickname.) I'm alive. I can desern feelings. I know how to be hurt. I am just a human being.
I'm not a super.
I'm not a doll.
I'm not a paper.
(this qoute lives with me. it makes me cry.)
Monday, May 7, 2007
MAY07
It was the day they'll announce who among the wait listed entered the campus for interview.
I really waited for this day to come. I was excited, nervous, hoping and in the state of getting my self ready for rejection.
I woke up normally, did this exactly the way it was, and I was late--that was normal!HAHA. I met up with my friends, and looked at what the results was.
Unfortunately, I wasn't on the list. But, I felt numb, I never felt like a bomb exploding inside or someone just punched my heart. I didn't feel anything that's why It wasn't hard for me to smile, especially when the people around me tried to crack up some jokes.
Long before that, I was like, nothing happened to me. I do the things I normally do. I'm me, and nothing had moved me from the reg office, except that the registrar was so familiar with me, it was the funniest part. HAHA.
I cut my hair, well, not basically me, but the people in the salon. I liked it. I guess.
I went home, still blank and now, I think it's sinking on me. I feel it soaking up. And I feel like, broken. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stop typing and just sit the corner and suck my thumb. I was no where beyond my normal state. I'm sad. Stressed. exhausted. Broken.
T.T i'm not a paperdoll.
i have feelings.
i bleed.
i'm alive.
paperdoll YUKI
It was the day they'll announce who among the wait listed entered the campus for interview.
I really waited for this day to come. I was excited, nervous, hoping and in the state of getting my self ready for rejection.
I woke up normally, did this exactly the way it was, and I was late--that was normal!HAHA. I met up with my friends, and looked at what the results was.
Unfortunately, I wasn't on the list. But, I felt numb, I never felt like a bomb exploding inside or someone just punched my heart. I didn't feel anything that's why It wasn't hard for me to smile, especially when the people around me tried to crack up some jokes.
Long before that, I was like, nothing happened to me. I do the things I normally do. I'm me, and nothing had moved me from the reg office, except that the registrar was so familiar with me, it was the funniest part. HAHA.
I cut my hair, well, not basically me, but the people in the salon. I liked it. I guess.
I went home, still blank and now, I think it's sinking on me. I feel it soaking up. And I feel like, broken. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stop typing and just sit the corner and suck my thumb. I was no where beyond my normal state. I'm sad. Stressed. exhausted. Broken.
T.T i'm not a paperdoll.
i have feelings.
i bleed.
i'm alive.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
86,400 seconds
This morning, I went to church and learn about "opportunities" and making most of our time.
I was informed that we have 86,400seconds a day, to use or to abuse.
I got to think of it over and over again, and I noticed I lack making the most of my 86,400seconds. I'm totally abusing it.
Because there are times that I just put those seconds in my anger, my angst, my bad temper and the bad part of being angry all the time, not noticing, time is running out for me.
Today, I've learn to value time. I've learn to love the people around me, hugging their flaws and imperfections.
I've learn that when you're in God's side, you won't abuse any of your time, it would be used in the best way. And when you're with him, your life is meaningful, as your every seconds counts.
'''''PAPERDOLL
I was informed that we have 86,400seconds a day, to use or to abuse.
I got to think of it over and over again, and I noticed I lack making the most of my 86,400seconds. I'm totally abusing it.
Because there are times that I just put those seconds in my anger, my angst, my bad temper and the bad part of being angry all the time, not noticing, time is running out for me.
Today, I've learn to value time. I've learn to love the people around me, hugging their flaws and imperfections.
I've learn that when you're in God's side, you won't abuse any of your time, it would be used in the best way. And when you're with him, your life is meaningful, as your every seconds counts.
'''''PAPERDOLL
Friday, May 4, 2007
woah!
now, you can see it. I have a new skin. well, not really skin, but header!HEHE.
my sister told me to make a banner for my friendster profile.. and tah-dah!I loved what i did so, I putted it here as well. gee... this is way better than the other one!HEHE.
see yah, later.
i'm too over-joyed to function:my status!HAHA.
paperDOLL:)
now, you can see it. I have a new skin. well, not really skin, but header!HEHE.
my sister told me to make a banner for my friendster profile.. and tah-dah!I loved what i did so, I putted it here as well. gee... this is way better than the other one!HEHE.
see yah, later.
i'm too over-joyed to function:my status!HAHA.
paperDOLL:)
Thursday, May 3, 2007
IT'S MAY!!
woah!just before I knew it, April ended, and May entered so fast.
I remember last year, May1, we started our review in brain train, if I could bring back the time, I'll put it back in my brain train days. It was nineteen days of extreme fun while answering boring questionnaires, being ready for UPCAT.
My mother went home that time, I'm happy and very contented. The whole may is a blast. It was the May of 2006 when I realized the world is big, and it doesn't just moving around me, or the school or my friends. The world is big...
May2007..
a year after?
i lost track of some of my friends in BT(brain train). Some of us, I know, passed. Some a qualifier(like me!) and some didn't made it.
After a year, Xai, Rafi and I stayed the same. We're still friends and close. Alexis, Sam, and Kim were still connected to us. We talk to them and chat, joke like our old BT days.
Jers got into the picture when the school year entered.
I finished 4th year and walked the red carpet with smile on my face. No tears. No regrets. And is being molded to face the new world.
Jem came a month before and bit, change my life the way it was going. She's so kulet but when she's not texting me, I was like freaking out. I'm missing her.
After some time, I realized, I was so contented with my life right now. Though I have missing pieces within me, my college application aren't still okay, I didn't have honor in my graduation day, my stories aren't the best in ttalk, my editing skills aren't so good,i was never the best person on earth, BUT, i'm so joyful and contented in my life.
I told that to jers last night. He replied in simple words but rili touched my heart...
"..that's because everyone around you LOVEs you."
i was frozen and so touched with the reply and he added that I deserves to be happy in my life.
After a year,
Some changed. Some didn't.
But, I guess...
I'm still the yuki I once was.
woah!just before I knew it, April ended, and May entered so fast.
I remember last year, May1, we started our review in brain train, if I could bring back the time, I'll put it back in my brain train days. It was nineteen days of extreme fun while answering boring questionnaires, being ready for UPCAT.
My mother went home that time, I'm happy and very contented. The whole may is a blast. It was the May of 2006 when I realized the world is big, and it doesn't just moving around me, or the school or my friends. The world is big...
May2007..
a year after?
i lost track of some of my friends in BT(brain train). Some of us, I know, passed. Some a qualifier(like me!) and some didn't made it.
After a year, Xai, Rafi and I stayed the same. We're still friends and close. Alexis, Sam, and Kim were still connected to us. We talk to them and chat, joke like our old BT days.
Jers got into the picture when the school year entered.
I finished 4th year and walked the red carpet with smile on my face. No tears. No regrets. And is being molded to face the new world.
Jem came a month before and bit, change my life the way it was going. She's so kulet but when she's not texting me, I was like freaking out. I'm missing her.
After some time, I realized, I was so contented with my life right now. Though I have missing pieces within me, my college application aren't still okay, I didn't have honor in my graduation day, my stories aren't the best in ttalk, my editing skills aren't so good,i was never the best person on earth, BUT, i'm so joyful and contented in my life.
I told that to jers last night. He replied in simple words but rili touched my heart...
"..that's because everyone around you LOVEs you."
i was frozen and so touched with the reply and he added that I deserves to be happy in my life.
After a year,
Some changed. Some didn't.
But, I guess...
I'm still the yuki I once was.
pictures!!!
i'm so mixed, actually. I'm struggling to be a better "picture-editor" lately. I found this new pix last two nights ago... (and i'm sorry for posting late, i'm too lazy to function lately and been busy with my stories.SAD.T.T)
I knew tricia, the photographer of the photos I saw. She was from Ateneo and she won the face of the week in candy faces, but, before that though, she's my Friend in the same site. Well, I got to admit, she's such a good photographer and she's still a sophomore in photography.
Like them, we take pictures secretly. But what's the difference? They have Tricia, and all the resources. They're called the "slumber dolls"...
want to see why I'm so hands down to them? here is why ( an example of their pix):
^with the outfit, bground and edit, thumbs up!:)
Anyway,
I may not admit this, but I think, I'm liking Callalily more...because of my best friend, Jem/Jerel. (The same person, huh?!) One night, I had a dream and Kean was there, it was so clear in my mind.
Then the next night, well, this isn't connected with that, I saw my self, the fashion designer in NY!woah! that was totally, a big dream, i wonder is that would happen, though. :)
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