OUCH.after an operation.

I was half naked laying on a bed. It was freezing. The air condition is in full blast. The clock's ticking is the only thing I could hear. My heartbeat was the loudest noise.

Yesterday, I gone through BIOPSY.

It's a procedure where they would get some of my skin to test it. Of course, para malaman kung anung sakit ko. Initially, I was scared of it. You can't blame me nman. Sino ba nmang hindi matatakot kung kukunan ka ng balat? x_o

It started that I was really scared. The qoute which Jean sent me late that morning is what's in my mind the whole time..

"Sometimes you pray not because you want to
change the situation. But, you wanted to
your attitude towards it."

When the doctor sat down, my emotions overflowed. I really wanted to cry but I was hoping those tears to be hidden. I was pale. I wanted to go out of the room and quit.


The injection of anesthesia is the most painful part. After it, I hardly felt anything. Until it was finished. It wasn't like a bit of an ant, it's more of a bite of a dog. lol.


Now, am in my process of medication. Weeks pa bago ko malaman ung results, but I was hoping for the good ones. Sana nman am in good terms.


The operation may be over but I know, this is just the start of my medication.

*pray for me, fellas. =)

HU IS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE??=)

In soap operas, the story starts from the childhood years of the characters.They play together and do their stuffs as if they knew that someday, they'll gonna be in love.. Then, it will come to a point that they'll be separated. With tears and the dramatic scenario, they'll be apart leaving a promise behind.

the screen will turn all black with the white caption that says,

"ten years later..."

I thought it was just a KORNEE soap opera opening for noticed, it's just all the same. That after long years of separation, they'll not gonna remember each other. The conflict starts and so on..

but, I was dead wrong.

Yesterday, I met a woman who said she kinda recognized me, and asked if I was from CSI (Christian School International). Then she revealed that she was my tita's friend back TEN YEARS AGO. She even told me that her son was my classmate back when i was prep. I asked her who? and guess what? he's my NSTP classmate!

See,

In the entire sem, I was talking and laughing with him not knowing I was his friend before. We're close, as I remembered it. We play together and I remember singing with him those children songs. I was overjoyed knowing that he's the same person I was getting to know in my class. I didn't expected everything that was revealed.

It's true pla na after ten years that you didn't saw someone you won't recognize them and the feeling of the revelation that you're connected is really overwhelming. HAHA~!

..until now, I hardly believe it.

"WHO IS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE? huhu. who is the king of the sea? bubble. bubble. bubble. who is the king of the universe and WHO'S THE KING OF ME? his name is J-E-S-U-S yes!He is the KING of me. THe KING of the universe, the jungle and the see. bubble.bubble. BUBBLE...

i miss my ELEM years. sigh. ='c

em break's over. first sem's nothing but history.

in two days, a new sem enters.

YUKI IS OFFICIALLY EXCITED. :D

..and whose not gonna be excited? After three days na pumila in lines that seems to have no limit, arguing with guard that seems not to understand what a first years student feels and trying to control the feeling of anger, sorrow and mishaps that came in through out? it's a great feeling that i've finish my enrollment procedures. It was a relief. REALLY.

Now, BREAKS OVER and the sem will take over.

am excited kasi, madaming nag shift ng ABCOMM. HAHA. am really thrilled about that fact. Lalo na that our course is still a "baby". am so excited with everything.

It's a new start.

And I'm going to prove my worth not to you, to others, to my blocmates, but to MYSELF.

am going through a lot right now. kinakabahan pa nga ako for by BIOPSY (kelangan ako tanggalan ng skin) tomorrow. just pray for me. =)

i know it will all turn out fine.
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM WHO BELIEVES.

XOXO,
yuki

it takes one to know one.

How would you define a poser?

using other's picture, aha.

pretending to be someone they're not? probably.

trying to upgrade their degraded selves? Totally.

jas for fun? Not really.


So, how would you define copycats?

Stealing your "individuality".

Trying to be like you, na ang totoo, she could never be? YOU GOT IT.

POSER + COPYCAT = [her name]

I don't wanna reveal her name. Let her shit be hers. Ayoko kasing parang nanira ako in my blog. It's just isn't fair.


So. "SHE" is a 99% poser and a 1% copycat.
Okay, scratch that.
She's 50% poser, 25% copy cat and 25% dumb ass.


Heck, ako pa niloko nia, I've been a poser once, and I did it for fun. Not because I am insecure of my self. I juast wanna keep my self private but, I don't need to explain. I'm done with my "poser" stage. I am now enjoying every bits of my self. This is me anyway and only I can love my self.


My point is, "SHE" got to be my friend. When "SHE" add me in friendster, everything blew up. She was using other people's picture. Using a "manufactured" (as Sam Milby's term) stories.


There got to be a"perfect" girl that character she has given life. You see, I also writes stories and as you write, you'll exaggerate the life of a young woman. You could put all the best stuffs to your "main character" and do degrade the others. Alam ko ang pasikot-sikot niya.


You see, "SHE"'s a ballerina, a musician, a korean who looks like Song He Kyo? Oh, please. Her pictures are even unbelievable. But, hindi nman yun ang kinahihitutok ko, for SHE's not just a poser, SHE'S IMITATING ME. and it sucks.


All my pictures, I put them (c)paperdoll or paperdoll. Because I do edit, right? Well, SHE just have her pictures, (c)paperdoll_[her name] in it. It's freaking me out. I hate it. Auqo ng gingaya ako. THis is not a co incident, pano magiging coincident, when she puts her name after an underscore. Parang alam niyang there's other paperdoll out there---and that's ME!


Nakakainis pa dun, SHE has this other ANNOYING FRIEND who copies too. I hate it. I really hate it and I want them to stop. But, how? This is unfair for me. arggg.


Anyway, all I can say is, they're so insecure of their selves at ako ang pang tapal sa mga butas ng mga insekyoras. Someday, I know they'll get tired of doing so. Just someday.


the ONLY paperdoll,
--------*ma. anne YUKI auxtero* BOW.

CHANGE?

i uploaded my finals in English here. la magawa eh. WATCH IT. WATCH IT!





and this one..
napulot ko lng sa Youtube.
And it's the tree planting of AS4. uhm. not all of us. c mam lang and sum AS4. Am not even there.HAHA.la lng.=) courtesy of Francis Von (FATHER).

IMYSMAIDKWTS!

It's been a while, i know,right?!

been so busy. My skedules all lined up and I've got no time to update, though I have a bit with regards to my friendster account and stuffs.

THE SEMESTERS ENDING!

..and it just saddens me. :[ Auqo pa kc. I felt like, the time is too short. Nagyon ko pa lalong naeenjoy ang pagiging isang KOLEHIYO, and now it's eding.

there's a lot of things screaming in my head. I don't even know what particular thing would I ever concentrate at.

I am worried of a friendship being lost.

I'm worried of my IT exam that would take place two hours from now.
[I'm in the ITCC (in Letran) and the room beside me is where my crush is.LOL]

I rili wanted to go to Lb right now to witness the cheering competition.

Am just so helpless, you know.

And other than all of that, I've been through alot bago pa ako bumalik dito at nagblog. Muntik na akong naging finalist for Ms.AS and as usual, due to my high "mahiyain effect", I didn't tookl it. Well, that's maybe one of the thoughest decision to make especially i know that I wanted it. But, when I got to watch the night it was done, It's kinda worth it na hindi ako sumali.AHAHA.

We also did, poetica. Oh,yeah!napost ko na nga pla yun... AH!nah.nde pa pla. I posted last was about POETRY din db?! It was my poetry workshop. yeah. I got it now. We join POETIKA. the competition? well, just a show of poety. And we did got a lot of praises from different people.it's such a good experience.

And resently, super recent lng nito, about one year and six months as three days ago..HAHA! jas kiddin'. Last Saturday, a day from now, nanalo kme sa NSTP!yeah.it was so great. Out of the 22 contestans, we bagged the first place. So, who's your mama now?LOL. But, it was far different from our PE performance, doon, we did our best pero, we got 7-8-7. Yeah. average lng kung tutuusin. So, let's just forget about that,.AHAHA.

by the way, I posted a new story in ttlak. Lakas ng loob noh? nde ko pa nman tapos ung iba, eh kc, am such a bsta. I forgot the term. It mean na you're just good at first. I always hear that from Ahrae whenever she complains about boys.haha.anyway,when i remember i'll tell you.

My gash, this post has been too long,na miss kc kita eh.HAY.
I guess, I'll stop from here. =)
and I promise to update soon. SOON.
HAHA.asa pa saken. pero, really, i'll try my very best to.
[sana may magbasa pa nito]

dahil tapos na ang klas ng crush ko from the other room, am going to go out na,HAHA!

*CHEERS abcomm.:]

la lang. Mahal na mahal ko ung mga un. I thought when I transffered school, I won't found new set of friends that would love me unconditionally. Ung tipong parang mga HS friends? But I was dead wrong.

Xa,xa,next time na ule.

CIAO!=)
~yuki.YUKI.yuki


PS. my title, IMYSMAIDKWTS means,
I Miss You So Much And I Don't Know What To Say!.HAHA!=)

--->am OUT!

GO.kill ur self.lol.

"damn that Beautiful BOY!
HE only wanna do u dirt.
He'll have ME suicidal.
suicidal when HE says it's over!"

that's my version of the most popular song today, beutiful girls or boys. watever.HAHA. Ewan ko ha. But, I guess, i was hurt enough para makanta yun. And the part "suicidal", don't worry. I won't do it. I'm too scared to!HAHA. but, all those words are applying in my life. DAMN all those beautiful boys. ESPECIALLY HIM. him.

*i silently pray that sumday i'll get over that shit. Now i know it's a fact, that you shouldn't play with fire especially when you don't know to handle it well. 'coz in the end, you'll just get burn and be hurt.




tired, hurt, suicidal (you wish.lol),
------------->yukiAUXTERO

sining giling.

Last weekend, well i-enclude nio na ang friday, i've been in poetry workshop. yeah. it's quite new for me. I do write, of course, but poetry is such a new discovery . T.T before kc, I only do poems when I need them, like when the teacher instruct to. Unlike when I do essays and short stories. I do them just because i want to. They've become part of me na parang hobby na ang turing ko.

This Sining Giling workshop is my turning point. Narealized ko na, poetry is such a magnificent craft. Mahirap s'ya idefine but it is as it is. We've ripped out our heads para may lumabas na something. HAHA. Sabi nag ni Mr. Reuel Aguila, our facilitator, we're the most tired workshop team. Masyadong head-wrecking. And speaking of him, I do admire him so much. He's such a good poet. Gusto ko nga bumili ng book nia weh. He inspires me not just to be the best writer but a good poet as well.

fast-paced

it's been a while since i last posted. Kung tutuusin, it's exactly One month and sixteen days.

my life has been fast-paced. alam mo un. Parang significant events can rushing one after another. it's so fast, i don't even realized it's coming.

A month isn't that long enough, but it turned my world around. In that span of time, maraming nagyari sakin. I got ups and down. I've been in laughter and in great tears.

My mother came home and went back in Japan the same month. Her arrival gave me a roller coaster of emotions. Masayang nanjan s'ya, a mother who cooks food for breakfast, a kiss on the cheeks erase every stress i had. But the downside is, maxdong ko s'yang mamimiss when she's go back there. And that excatly wat happened. I can't contain my tears. it's hard to let go at kahit ilang bese na siyang umaalis, i can't help but to cry and be sad. Be hopeful that one day, just one day, she won't leave me again.

OKAY.
enough of my melodramatic post.
As sir revilla said, ang magandang writting doesn't contain heavy dramas. HAHA
but, some exceptions may be this--my blog.LOL.

There's a lot of things that happened. I just don't know how to contain everything in this post. Mei time kc na i get blank. And that time is NOW.=(

xoxo,
yuki

I've known you all my life.

HA-HA~!
yeah.it's funny that after years of not seeing each other, one person just added me up in friendster. Well, it's not that big deal, like any adds I had. But, the mere fact that HE is my FIRST crush, back when I was still eight, makes the add more surprising, heart-jumping (if ever there's term like that!HAHA) and am ashame to admit this, but, yes, kilig-ed.

Never saw him after the party I went in, which I am probably just ten. I'm not sure, but It's really funny to get back in those old days and remember that once in your life, you liked this guy. And you'll just tell your self, "Oh,yeah?" adding... "la pla akong taste nuon." KIDDIN':)

*really unbelievable.

So, after the add, I just scanned though friendster and fell on RAFi's profile. I watched the video in his media box, and it made me cry and broke my heart,.. well, sort of.

It's our "barkada" video, which I made in months time. It was really long, but it just makes me wish my HS days are back.

here comes my DRAMA again.

I know College is really a fun-filled chapter in my life, but looking back, those "not-so-OLD-days" I always wanted to get in a time machine and go back there--the time I was really, really, care free.

Doin' my old stuff. Making something out of a hectic day.

IF the truth is to be told, I feel everything is falling apart between us (except for rafi, zai, jers). I noticed that whether we like it or not, there's a gap growing. Well, i don't want to use the word GAP. Let's just say, our differences are starting to come out especially that we all aren't in the same campus. I noticed that we aren't that open anymore. hardly match schedules and most of the time, been out of place because of different things we did and the people we meet everyday.

I feel awful, and seeing that video really makes me wanna get back and just stay as intact as we are like before. As strong. As a whole family. That video, which has a background music saying..


I've known you all my life
You are a friend of mine
I know this is how it's gonna be
I've loved you then and I love you still
You're a friend of mine
Now, I know friends are all we ever could be


xoxo,
yuki :[

YOU KNOW !

YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You text the person who is standing next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that

they don't have friendsters.

6. You use your phone to check if any body's home to open the gate for you.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the

screen.

8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't have

The first 10, 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and

you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go OL before eating

breakfast.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

: )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly who this person is.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

HA-HA!:D

everGREEN

who could possibly forget that ever-green uniform?

the two by three haircut,.. and those people?

Last Friday, isa lng ung klas ko, so I went to UP and meet up with friends. It was let say, a "simple" get together, compared when seong Hwa came and bianca called. But, am just too happy that I was there, seeing them and exchanging jokes and stories. Un nga lang, I felt bad, kc I'm in uniform.HAHA.


Before going home, Emil, BJ and I went to 7-11 to buy slurpee. Guess what? More of that happened.


We reminisced the times we shared in CSI. Back when we were still young unto the time we all separated ways. Along the conversation, sobrang saya. We talked about even the smallest and the most stupid things we did.


Naisip ko nga,

these guys, and the other CSi graduates has been my family for over twelve years of my stay in that school

. We all basically grew up together--from having a carefree lives, eating sand(HAHA!), throwing papers, beating each other up, to falling in love, dealing with relationships, facing problems and growing spiritually.


I never realized that

they are my "silent" witnesses as we all grew up together, be mature and face the reality of life.

Nakakalungkot na these people took part in my life that long, and I never did realized how we value each other when we'll still together, cgro nga, ganun nman tlga ang buhay. we actually aways have regrets in the END.



But, besides that, I was Over-joyed 'coz I can't image me, growing up with other sets of people. With a whole new different school.



Now that I am in College, I can surely identify a CSI student. And narealize ko na, CSI is really different from other schools. Because based from what I see, we stand out from the rest by not fitting in their habits. And I hope and pray, that won't change. ^______^



a proud CSI alumni,
yuki auxtero.

..i know i am really a bad,bad, GIRL

yes,yes, am a bad girl (and i don't even know it).

...wala akong kwenta. (and i don't even know it.)

i didn't mean (that's for you) and am not even referring to you.

He is not referring to you.

we are talking about some other person.

but we talk about you.

but not all.

i feel so bad.

i wanted to be ME.

...and this is me.

i don't know why i felt like a bad girl when the truth is..

the truth is, i don't know the truth.

WHATEVER.
(i sound weird BUT all of that mean so much.believe me.)

Let the pictures tell you THE
story

me & my sis at ung mga singit (mauby,angeline&JP).HAHA.

nde na cla singit plus jess at our MATH time.:)

----->hanapin nio ako.!nandyan ako..promise.

with our "inang reyna"

alin.alin.alin ang naiba?HAHA.

the pioneering people.BOW.

mark singit.HAHA.spot.

faye,jes,yuki

masaya ang college!
but not, pag prelim na(that's next week)!
am one fourth unready,partially bad mood(because of un.HAHA.)
and one and a half EWAN.whatever:)
HAHA.T.T


xoxo,

the pictures speak for itself.:)
(my blocmates, HStropa,friends)

My first week was devastating. I even cursed school and promised my self never to return again. But guess what? the wheel turned. My mood swing, and the most important thing is coming my way--Adjustment.


I jumped into conclusion once more, and it made me really sad. But, when I look over my school day now, I found it exciting (than ever), dramas and actions are in, kilig moments, fun times with my blocmates and having the most out of being young and pioneer of our course.



I don't know what happened but I just found my self enjoying every bit of my stay. Even though some people are rude to me (ahem!) and some stuffs frustrates me, like having low scores in English in a row and it was my favorite subject and I'm an ABCOM student (what a shame!). But, ang nakakatuwang part, I have high scores in MATH!woah!it's a mirakol(i know!).


Now, I'm thinking twice if I would go to UP or I'll stay in Letran. To tell you, it's really hard (and it's only two weeks after the first encounter). Whatever decision I'll have, I promise to tell YOU.:)




tee hee,
HAPPY and contented.
xXpaperdoll__x)





PS:
the english for: "PANG ILANG PRESIDENTE SI ERAP?!" is
"what is ERAP's standing in the precidency list?"
nice.:)ble!i got it.LOL.

Back when I was in third year, I always tell myself, and everyone I could talk to, "Kahit san, wag lang sa letran." but little did i know, I couldn't plan for my self. And beyond the open window of my future, Letran is just a part of it.

The mere fact that UP rejected me three times in a row made me got so disappointed and I really felt that sadness in my life. I felt that I was a trash and I mean nothing here on earth. But, until now, UP is still one of my hopes and part of my dream. And it's also one of the reason why I'm in Letran.


In my first day, I really felt bad. I have something in me that though that person is nice, I felt irritated by the people's presence. Adjusting is something that time only can give and that's what I'm waiting him (time) to reward me. My first week is a hustle. Struggle. Stress. And hopefully, this second one, would offer something different.

Let's just wait and see.

"Pengeng piktur comment!"

are you crazy!Appreciation is never asked. It is given by people who thinks you did gave a pretty good photo. In posting this, and flooding in Friendster bulletin makes you dumb. Appreciation is like trust, it is gained and not given or asked. In begging for one is like, bragging what kind of photos you produce.GRR!

my friends. never do what they are doing.


P.S: piktur comment ko ah?LOL.

shadows.

Yesterday, I went to Robinson and nagpapicture ako ng 1x1. end of story. LOL. Actually, it's a good thing, I wasn't afraid to look and be with strangers any more. Before, I usually, don't go alone, because I hardly face people I don't know. I'm shy. I'm definitely distant to them. But, guess what, I was feeling normal and I just took everything so light without worries and the things I used to feel.

Moreover, after I got the pictures in y hands, I just saw my self walking towards nowhere until I just saw the picture, I was already at the UP gate. I was alone. I walked all the way from crossing (LB) to VEGA. I never did realized I was walking alone. I just kept on walking and I never felt tired.

Perhaps, unlike other people, walking is one of my therapy. In that way, I released my stressed and my "unpeaceful" mind. I was thinking many things and that walk gave me time for my self alone. I was thinking about what the future may bring and I remembered the song "Pasan".

Actually, I hate CallaLily's video. But, I love how the song relates to the "Foot prints on the sand." Maybe, If I could see just a pair of foot prints along the way, tumakbo na ako!ha!simentokaya un!LOL. Kidding aside, I know, in each walk in my life, I'm not alone.

When I reached VEGA, I went back home, but I felt differently. You should try walking.:)

overload~!

"AYOKO na mag college!" I was repeating this statement over and over as I wait for my one thirty class. "Nde na ako papasok bukas!"


Since I was a kid, I <3 first day of classes. I meet my friends I never saw for two months, I have new things (bags, clothes, notebooks, books etc.), I saw my teachers again, new level of life, new struggles. BUT! not until I faced my first day of school to COLLEGE.


The night before, I was rolling my bed for about 152 times and more. I hardly sleep since natutulog ako usually at one in the morning and those things that "might happen tomorrow" devastates me. I am afraid of meeting new people. New environment (kahit sabi ko, I wanted to have a new one) and of course, whole new different life. I went to bed about nine and slept at 01am. I woke up 5am and was waiting for my alarm clock to ring...SILLY.


...and at last!It did rang!I stood up from bed and fix my self. This time, I didn't prepare much for my outfit (no money.T.T) and I did just wear my usual jean at shirt with that big "piggy" bag.


MY heart starts pounding when I was sitting on the jeepney and it lasted until I reached Letran and stopped when I met Jess,my block mate.


I was so excited to meet all of my block mates (and was hoping to spot a cutie) but it was the least of what I expect that happened. (kala nio ha, we're just staring.HAHA).

It frustrates me a lot when my first and second class professors didn't showed up. Nakatunganga lng kme in our room while waiting in vain for nothing. It was really, and really, really, disappointing. T.T


A professor came when nung Filipino na. But, the problem was, there was a conflict of rooms, at the other row, was the third year or four yr student whose subject is Art Appreciation and we, Filipino. Their Prof came and we don't have a choice but to go out.


Being there outside, we were like nomads. We all don't know where we are going or what. We went up the fourth floor for about five times just looking where the heck is our room. Jess decided to go to the Dean's office and there we met a professor saying out loud.. "Nawawala mgastudyate ko!" and yes, it was our Filipino prof.


We went up and down four floors looking for a vacant room and thirty minutes before the bell rang, we found one, at the top and it was really small for the whole ABComm Students, but hey!better than being "squaters" (as our English prof told us).


It was very disappointing. And that time, I just told my self, "Tama na ang lokohan. Gsto ko ng mag HS ule!" but, of course, life goes on...and on...


Our last but the longest (five hours class!) IT, I guess you know what that is, was the one normal for the day except that we are 42 in class, 14 students na nag sesemenaryo, seven third year Economics students and the rest are the ABCOm. But, It was been fun. Jess found a new cutie na nagsesemenaryo!HAHA.kamusta?!sayang tlga. Then I found one in my class, but laging mei kasamang girl, GF ata. AWTS.


the only good thing that happened is that, I saw my friends again!After months of being out of school, having some time for my self(times that I am alone), meet so many different faces (nakalimutan ko name nila!HAHA.) and found a new friend, named FAYE.



P.S.
i named my post "overload because of the cheesy fries overload Rafi and I (nakakalungkot. dalwa lng kme nag lunch) ate. And it consumed as much as 100php.GRR!naubos pera nmen.T.T


P.S.S.
Jess is Jessica Gonzales. ...nasanay lng:)

ABCOMMtrivia(na nde ko pa nasasagot!GRR!sagutan nio HA!)
engeshin nio ang: PANG ILANG PRESIDENTE SI ERAP!?
gee...none of us got the answer.xD





tee-Hee,paperdoll
------>curently...STRESSED out!>:(

cheers!

Today, my summer would be officially over, and tomorrow, my life would turn and pages of a whole new book would be opened. I'm stepping to life's new journey--being a college student.

Goodbye! banjing times, gimiks,highschool dramas, physics, green uniform, ten peices notebooks, tons of books, intermediate pads, class cards, tables and mono block chairs.

See you again, CSI, and GOD bless.

Hello! Letran, New sets of people and a lot of mystery that would unfold.

We'll meet again, UP.;)

Cheers!In hours time, I'm going to be, a College student. ^_^\/~paperdoll.

i'll raise my hands to you!

<----vampire! i so HEART him. It's not just the picture. not just the shades and that stupid pretty face, it's him, basically. And I did wanted to be a vampire someday (when I already know how to.LOL)

I’ve a plan if you are willing
We’ll take on all the ends of the world
A toast, we’re celebrating
No one’s around
We’re on our own...

And because of that, I remember the binyag I went in last fifteen. (Rafi's day). Sobrang saya. And If I had bring sum ndies, I should have been there and partied with my so called, "departmeties".

That song was played nung nandun cla sa stage and like, partying while mei fire hose sa taas na binabasa cla. I'm enjoying seeing them, but I know it would be alot more fun being there, in that exact place.

I could't imagine, I would be staying in that place for elike a year and last night, I was remenicing abou my high school days, second year much. And, I did thought of some crazy and stupid plan. I promise, I won't do it. (hands crossed at my back.LOL)

I'm going to miss CSI, and of course, the poeple there. Most specially, the memories. awts.so much drama.

I'll raise my hands to you!:)

Arrrrrriba! x________x

Being a UP student for a day.

I felt pang when I saw the big crowd afar while walking with Xai and honesty, I was asking my self, "Bakit ko ba naisipang pumunta dito?"

yesterday, it was the UP Freshmen Campus Tour. It not in my plan to go there. I didn't even wanted at first because it was father's day. But, I just saw my self walking though the grounds of Up and feeling like one of those UP students.

It didn't made a different feeling. I mean, being with them for a day didn't make me stop a while and think that, "hey!I'm with UP students!" NAH! I just felt like, Hey!I'm with unfamiliar faces!HAHA.

It was funny tagging along with them, while they look for their room and schedule. It's so exhausting, especially for me who is wearing heels. Just imagine my three inches sandals going around the entire UP campus plus my weight, and plus the weather. Heck, what am I saying?

It's a good experience anyway.:)

I received a comment a while a go in my friendster account, and it was a poem!Someone made a poem for me. I don't actually know her, but thanks!whoever you are!xD

here's the poem. I think it's sarcastic in a way.

oh look at her in her paper dress
i wonder why she wont burn..?
she just a paperdoll that all
just a paperdoll...
i dress her up she knock's me down....
they try her own for size she fits nice
one sizes fits all.....

EIGHT NGA BA?

Regrets never crossed my mind. From the time I decided to stay at csi, when i got my new friends, once I strong-willed to hold on to them, as I shared the part of me with the best eight(?) people that passed my life.

Last night was really unexpected. Every thing got clear before me and it’s the time na nag sink in saken, that I love my buddies. Kagabi ko lng narealize, mas mahal ko pa pla sila sa inaakala ko.

I don’t know how it started but, we’re just touching the keypad of our cell phone, then suddenly, we were like five people talking at one place in a time. I was texting them and our entire topic is about our friendship. Then, it just came out that we just shared what we felt and nag sabihan kme ng thak yous.

Hindi ko alam how all started but one thing I knew was, joy is filling spaces in my heart. I can’t imagine na lahat kme, with different personalities just made a clique filled with love.

Now, I know, and I’m sure nakht we’ll all part ways this school year, we would still be the same group we used to be. Because I know, we love one another so much, that we’re not willing to give up everything in the future.

<3 you, guys! (sure.you know who you are.)

YuKi
status: LAZY.tamad.sleephead.

for about couple of weeks, here's yuki. the lazy one. HAHA. I didn't updated, though I really wanted and I have thoughts in mind to share with you because for one reason:I'm too lazy to function.


I don't know. I feel like, mxadong nag coconsume ng time ang typing and say stuffs. And ako? I always forgot what I wnated to write. Parang umihip lang ang hangin and tah-ah!I'm empty.

...JUST LIKE NOW.sigh.T______T

not the next doll but the designer to be.

I really waited for the search for the next doll last Tuesday evening, though my father told me to sleep early because I have an entrance exam the next day. Okay. I wasn't expecting Chelsea to win. I know she lacks the dancing skills. But, though, I really, really, wanted her to. But, she didn't.

Asia won.

But, I was still happy. She need it. And she was a single mom.sigh.she loves her daughter so much that she wanted her to grew up strong. and guess what, she's only 18.

But, Jeffrey won! WooOh! and if he didn't I can't accept that!HAHA.i rili loved his collection. The polkadots. stripes. really awsome.

here's his collection:

i'm not busy. my schedule it just tight.

Siting in front of the computer makes my heart jump. I never done siting in front of you, this long now. I've been faced with a tight schedule.



And for all you know, after the whole week. It left a stressed, exhausted, excited, frustrated, hoping, YUKI.




My week started too fast, that it started Friday. We went swimming. And that was the best way of exhausting your self. You won't even know you're being tired of doing that especially with people very special to you.




Saturday.
Because I got an additional money from my mother. It's time for my favorite hobby--SHOPPING! but,hell. We went around the mall for hours and I went home with one top and a pair of shoes. great. I spend almost the whole day walking and to be drop dead on my bed, and I only got two pieces. But, it's was a blessing anyway.




Sunday.
I'm really tired from last night (we went home late) and guess what? I need to wake up at six in the morning and prepare my self to got to bulacan. We left the house at eight and we arrived there at twelve!I hardly control my self when we were near the place. I wanted to puke, and who will not if you'll be travelling for four hours, straight?oh,gawd. it was really tiring.




Way back, four hours drive again. But this time, I wasn't to dizzy and bored, though it's raining outside and the airconditon freezes me. I entertained my self by looking though the billboards. HAHA.i love seeing those big stuffs. And look through the poses.




besides being exhausted, I was sad. Gusto Kong magpaiwan. I want to have time with my cousins again. You see, I was the only one parted from them, so when we see each other, we wanted have longer time together. gawd. that was really depressing.




Monday.
W went home last Sunday night at eleven in the evening and I need to wake up early again and go to Letran to schedule my exam. Right after it, I went to school to help Bianca with the year book.well, I'm not sure if what I did helped her.HAHA.




Tuesday.
All I did was to study.HAHA.not rili. I'm kidding,ayt?I stayed at home and just rested. Awts. It was the best day of the week.




Wednesday.
I woke up really early again. Awts. I hate waking up so early. I had an entrance exam in Letran for about four hours. awts. it's killing me. I don't wanted to be right there. I wanted to go out. I don't want to have any exam.HMFT.




Skipping to FRIDAY.
We were back in Alabang again searching for the best Cocktail dress ever. We searched the whole five hours there, and found nothing.

we actually went out of that mall having nothing but stepping in our have having something.

magic.HAHA.

we passed by an Ukay2 and guess what?It has the perfect dress were looking all day!haha.All along, we were struggling to buy an eight hundred worth of dress, and good thing we didn't purchased that, for we saw a 150php dress in the UK.haha.




SATURDAY.
yeah.the best time of the life.
I've finished assessing my papers. All we need is to pay the fees and I'm enrolled!yahoo!I'm really excited for the next good things to come. I know, I've been depressed not spending my days at UP, but I know, Letran would offered something to me. Maybe not better, but the best.

i'm too busy now a days. urgg!i can't even post one here. but, i promise..as soon as my schedule is okay,i will. i miss my blog. :'(

you may not see me crying.

inside, I feel like dying.

can't say anything.

but I'm the best pretender you'll ever be seeing.

good bye summer.

summer is about to end and this summer changed my life, me, not knowing it just did.


I know it would not be easy. The last summer you'll spend with your high school friends alone (according to a college guide book), the season everyone is busy taking their college applications.



Before it ends, i now realized how much I was left hanging. I feel so mixed and unsure. I feel so blessed despised of the rejections I faced.




Now, it's ending. The school year is entering, and I'm still unsure about the future I have. I can't decide on my own, but if I will, I would give up UP. I don't want to put my self in, where no one wants me to be.




The sun is continuing to fade, and the rain is starting to pour. And in this season, I was being left with colds I wanted to end. It sucks. But it was nothing than how life sucks for me as this moment.




I can't write exactly what's in my mind.
I'm in the state where my emotion is eating me..again.

<3<3<3

you see, i SO <3 Chelsea. she's the best of the five girls I watch in the search for the next doll. awts. she may dance not good enough that brought her up to dance with the pussycat dolls, but the judges said she's improving. I so <3 her vocals and that bangs, awts, she looked like a doll.



btw, today, the project runway season three would be off. oh, my. I wish Jeffrey would make it. i wish. i wish. i so <3 his fashion style and how he surprise me every time. He was like romantic-rock type of designer. I really wanted him design clothes for me.



and, ow. I'm also waiting for the America's next top model. I know the ending is near. And you see, I <3 Janice Dickinson. HAHA.yeah. she may be old and stuff, but her achievements were great. she's such an inspiration to me, for before, I thought, I could be a model, a novelist, a writer, a photographer and have a family at the same time. but guess what? She did.



I proved that, I can also do those stuffs. HAHA. i wish. I'm pretty sad that Avril's Girlfriend (the song) is dropping out of the count down. I so <3 that song. and add the guy in the video. HAHA.



probably, I would be getting the vid in YOU tube so, I can view it whenever.HEHE.




tah-tah!
(telax used that as a way of saying goodbye in our play.BUT, that was a friend's name)





PAPERdoll

emo is the new pop -xai

oh yeah. i guess it was.

it pisses me when people shift to be EMO just because it was FAB.
I ain't emo.
but I wanted to scream
emo is ain't fashion statement. it's a state of mind.
don't try to be emo when you're not.
you'll just look stupid idiot.

you'll never become one, when you don't take it at heart.

watever.

DON'T laugh. i'm serious.

yesterday, I went to video city to rent some CDs, and to tell you, I feel like, I've rent the worst one. It's my first time renting CD and didn't like it both. So silly.


The first one was really boring, because I like Julia Styles portraying the role Paige Morgan in the Prince and Me 2. How dull. the other one, was like, no sense, at all. Anyway, that's not my point.


when I rent CDs, the guy who looked like Enchong Dee asked me to renew my profile. He asked me my name, and address, and guess what? when he asked "San ka pumapasok?" I was stunned. Saan nga ba? If I'll say CSI, well, I'm lying. I'm over CSI, I'm college now. But if I'll say UP, well, I'm not sure about that! But either ways, I'll lie, so, I said.. UP!HAHA!



It was really funny. gs2 kong humalakhak ng todo, for that was like, assuming. HAHA. pag labas ko, I'm still not over it, I was smiling alone. I look stupid. HAHA. but what can I do? pigil na pigil ung tawa ko.HAHA.



okay. another funny thing. There was this friendster GIRL who told me, I looked like BEA of PBB. Huwaaat? you got to be kidding me!kc ung pic ko, my eye was the only thing seen. HAHA.

here's the pix-->



DON'T laugh at me. you look stupid.
you're alone. (well, i'm pretty sure about that!HEHE)



jumping to a more serious matter, I wanted to cry. Not because I'm depressed again (not now). It's just that, I feel like, this whole election thing won't work. Dayaan d2, dayaan dyn. There was this school been burn out. and so many violence. I wanted the country to change.


Feeling ko ang babaw ko. pero, I feel awful. I want change. Sna bumangon ang Pilipinas. How I wish. ='(

REJECTION.ouch!.

Six days ago I faced rejection the second time around. It made me sick. I lost my esteem. I feel like trash. No use. Stinky. No body wanted.



My sadness turned depression when I was informed a friend would leave, and I would be left hanging, without any compass on what would happen in the future. I thought of giving up. I thought of loosing the battle and just chose other options.



But, I realized there’s still a plan from me. A plan not to make hard of me. To prosper. I realized that Life must go on though you may fall.



At this moment, I have coped with all the negative vibes I had. I’m trying to erase a bit of it left inside me. I was turning into the positive side of my life. Thanks to my friends, family and to my God.



Waiting for the date stated was long and tiring, but I was molding my self. To be ready to face rejection... for the third time.

When we went up the rooftop in a centre I was delighted of what was in front of me. The beautiful sky. The green trees, the mountains, the sea. It’s just so perfect. The wind blows smoothly, the sun shines beautifully.


In deed, God made a beautiful nature. It’s just waiting to be appreciated and treasured. Some people took it for granted, but these things are the one that sustains life.


When Milenyo strike, the electricity was cut off for about weeks, and that time where there was no light but the moon, I began to appreciate it. Before, I thought why the moon shines when it’s useless. But it wasn’t. It gives light to the darkness of the night.


The nature is beautiful. Life is.
We just don’t have time to realize it was.



~paperdoLL~

^our video.
HEHE.

~a friend.

I <3 my friends equally, or should I say equal because in each different ways, for each different persons.


I'm glad I have them. I have the poeple I could run to, who could help me, cheer me up, crack my nerve, make me smile and just be there.


a friend composed these songs for me. Thanks, Jem!Luv yah.



Friend
Intro: D, A, E, GI.
D A
The shiny sun appeared
E G
Listening to the sound in my ear
D
Like a flower
A
That grows higher
E G
Waiting for my friend to come over here…


Chorus:

D A
The bad things in our hearts
E G
Will pass into nothingness
D A
No more heat aches just
G E -D, A, E, G
Just feeling the happiness inside…


II.
D
I want you to be near
A
If only you could hear
E G
I’m missing you my friend…

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:

Am G
Every part of our journey…
Am G
Every time of our lives…
G E G
I want you to know that I’m here to care for you my friend….


Repeat Chorus 2x

Life sucks without friends. I hope, when I got to have new sets in college... I would never have akward moments with all of you. it was great. I HEART you guys.

Kasiyahan
Itnro: D, A, Bm, GI.
D
Kaibigan,
A Bm G
Naalala mo pa ba ating tawanan?
D
Nung minsan,
A Bm G
Nag usap tayo tungkol sa banda…
D
Ang ating isipan,
A Bm G
Ay puno, ng Kasiyahan


Chorus:
D A
Masaya pag kasama ka…
Bm G
Masaya pag kausap ka…
D A Bm G
Gumaganda ang araw sa t’wing tayo’y nagkakasiyahan…

II.
D
Ang umaga,
A Bm G
Napupuno ng kaligayahan
D
Salamat,
A Bm G
Kaibigan, nandirito ka saking tabi at ang sabi’y

Repeat Chorus

Bidge:

D
Namumutawing
A
Kaligayahan
Bm
Magdamagang
G
Nagkakatuwaan…

Repeat chorus 2xRepeat chorus slowly….


~

Gem would be leaving on tuesday, but I know, she'll always be the gem I knew. She won't change. Luv yah, gem. Gonna miss you! MWUASH.

.......~it's my mood~*-+

"sometimes, we need to bleed
to know we're ALIVE."

i got this quote from a friend, and i loved it. It reminded me that sometimes... in our life, we need to be hurt, stabbed, or even to bleed to know we're living. It's one way of letting us realize that life, not experience disappointment is not life at all. Besides, you'll not know what joy is when you didn't experience pain.
(my current quote that keeps me going.)

"God's will..."



My friend told me about that. Whatever happen to me, it's God's will, not mine. It's out of my hands and i know, it's for the better and not for the worst.
(the quote that makes me hold on.)

"True Friends won't let friends go to hell."

It's my burden since. I always thinks what will happen if one day, the world ended. I'm sure, I'm safe. But will I enjoy my gift with my friends? I tried. And I still wanted.
(this quote burdened me.)

"i can't be your paperdoll"

I'm not a paperdoll (oppise of my nickname.) I'm alive. I can desern feelings. I know how to be hurt. I am just a human being.

I'm not a super.

I'm not a doll.

I'm not a paper.

(this qoute lives with me. it makes me cry.)

MAY07



It was the day they'll announce who among the wait listed entered the campus for interview.


I really waited for this day to come. I was excited, nervous, hoping and in the state of getting my self ready for rejection.



I woke up normally, did this exactly the way it was, and I was late--that was normal!HAHA. I met up with my friends, and looked at what the results was.



Unfortunately, I wasn't on the list. But, I felt numb, I never felt like a bomb exploding inside or someone just punched my heart. I didn't feel anything that's why It wasn't hard for me to smile, especially when the people around me tried to crack up some jokes.




Long before that, I was like, nothing happened to me. I do the things I normally do. I'm me, and nothing had moved me from the reg office, except that the registrar was so familiar with me, it was the funniest part. HAHA.




I cut my hair, well, not basically me, but the people in the salon. I liked it. I guess.



I went home, still blank and now, I think it's sinking on me. I feel it soaking up. And I feel like, broken. I wanted to cry. I wanted to stop typing and just sit the corner and suck my thumb. I was no where beyond my normal state. I'm sad. Stressed. exhausted. Broken.





T.T i'm not a paperdoll.
i have feelings.
i bleed.
i'm alive.


paperdoll YUKI

86,400 seconds

This morning, I went to church and learn about "opportunities" and making most of our time.


I was informed that we have 86,400seconds a day, to use or to abuse.


I got to think of it over and over again, and I noticed I lack making the most of my 86,400seconds. I'm totally abusing it.



Because there are times that I just put those seconds in my anger, my angst, my bad temper and the bad part of being angry all the time, not noticing, time is running out for me.



Today, I've learn to value time. I've learn to love the people around me, hugging their flaws and imperfections.



I've learn that when you're in God's side, you won't abuse any of your time, it would be used in the best way. And when you're with him, your life is meaningful, as your every seconds counts.



'''''PAPERDOLL

woah!

now, you can see it. I have a new skin. well, not really skin, but header!HEHE.

my sister told me to make a banner for my friendster profile.. and tah-dah!I loved what i did so, I putted it here as well. gee... this is way better than the other one!HEHE.

see yah, later.
i'm too over-joyed to function:my status!HAHA.

paperDOLL:)

IT'S MAY!!
woah!just before I knew it, April ended, and May entered so fast.



I remember last year, May1, we started our review in brain train, if I could bring back the time, I'll put it back in my brain train days. It was nineteen days of extreme fun while answering boring questionnaires, being ready for UPCAT.



My mother went home that time, I'm happy and very contented. The whole may is a blast. It was the May of 2006 when I realized the world is big, and it doesn't just moving around me, or the school or my friends. The world is big...



May2007..
a year after?



i lost track of some of my friends in BT(brain train). Some of us, I know, passed. Some a qualifier(like me!) and some didn't made it.



After a year, Xai, Rafi and I stayed the same. We're still friends and close. Alexis, Sam, and Kim were still connected to us. We talk to them and chat, joke like our old BT days.



Jers got into the picture when the school year entered.



I finished 4th year and walked the red carpet with smile on my face. No tears. No regrets. And is being molded to face the new world.


Jem came a month before and bit, change my life the way it was going. She's so kulet but when she's not texting me, I was like freaking out. I'm missing her.


After some time, I realized, I was so contented with my life right now. Though I have missing pieces within me, my college application aren't still okay, I didn't have honor in my graduation day, my stories aren't the best in ttalk, my editing skills aren't so good,i was never the best person on earth, BUT, i'm so joyful and contented in my life.



I told that to jers last night. He replied in simple words but rili touched my heart...

"..that's because everyone around you LOVEs you."

i was frozen and so touched with the reply and he added that I deserves to be happy in my life.



After a year,

Some changed. Some didn't.
But, I guess...
I'm still the yuki I once was.

pictures!!!

i'm so mixed, actually. I'm struggling to be a better "picture-editor" lately. I found this new pix last two nights ago... (and i'm sorry for posting late, i'm too lazy to function lately and been busy with my stories.SAD.T.T)

I knew tricia, the photographer of the photos I saw. She was from Ateneo and she won the face of the week in candy faces, but, before that though, she's my Friend in the same site. Well, I got to admit, she's such a good photographer and she's still a sophomore in photography.

Like them, we take pictures secretly. But what's the difference? They have Tricia, and all the resources. They're called the "slumber dolls"...

want to see why I'm so hands down to them? here is why ( an example of their pix):

^with the outfit, bground and edit, thumbs up!:)

Anyway,

I may not admit this, but I think, I'm liking Callalily more...because of my best friend, Jem/Jerel. (The same person, huh?!) One night, I had a dream and Kean was there, it was so clear in my mind.

Then the next night, well, this isn't connected with that, I saw my self, the fashion designer in NY!woah! that was totally, a big dream, i wonder is that would happen, though. :)

“sasabihin ko na ang totoo, ung bag na un, may SHABU, P5million un! Kung away mo masaktan ibalik mo na!”


“wala nman po tlga eh."


“may pamilya ka na ba?”


“wala pa po.”


“pero may family ka? Magingat ka. Ibalik mo na ung bag!”


“wala nga po saken.”




And the conversation went on. That was the discussion that woke me up this morning. I was thinking what the heck is happening over the radio that there was a phone call of some gangster or what with shabu. I pity the guy in the other line, but, I don’t get it.



The first thing that flashed my mind is, maybe this is just a radio drama like before. But, it doesn’t have the “special effects”. It awakens me, and makes me think, what on earth is happening?



Then, I continued listening. I’m afraid for the guy being threaten that the bandit would kill him and his family. Then, it lead that the “bad guy” asked if he could talk to his boss.



And guess what?



It was all a joke! A damn stupid joke. It almost made me believe there’s a connivance happening. It’s just like “Yari ka!” and the poor conductor in the bus was the victim. And knowing that, whoah! It made me breath easier!HEHE.



The day started unusually. It was very new to me,HAHA!



I finished reading the book “This is my Story”, that Gem lended me. It was really uplifting. It was very moving. I love how it inspires me. HEHE. You should get to read it, it’s amazing!




-_____-\/ good nyt!